Dreams and worries

So for this post I want to study my personal dreams and also the worries that i have. After researching a lot about anxiety - I actually feel like I may have it. I tend to worry too much and often over things that I did or didn't do.I still want to review the worries that i have and so will write down for a day all the worries that i have (sort of like a free association game.) I also will be documenting any worries i remember and the OCD i had (and didn't even realize.) By studying my own worries that I have I may be able to gain an idea for a final animation. It is easier to analysis my own experience than someone else.

How I worry
It normally will begin with a thought - so for instance (a real scenario that I've had:) When talking to a manager at work, I couldn't hear properly what he said, even asking twice for him to repeat it and so I just answered with 'OK.' When I walked away I then began to think over what I had agreed on. This is when the irrational fears take hold of me. And I will not be able to stop thinking about what I had agreed on doing, was it more hours? Was I staying longer? Had I done something wrong? And these thoughts tend to go on non-stop until I do one of two things. And I have to do these otherwise I feel really worried and anxious - heart beating fast and really on edge. Even over something as stupid as this.  I would have to either ask my manager what he actually said (which is what I did in this case.) Or tell somebody the situations so that they can confirm to me 'its okay.' The way that I normally vent my anxiety and worry is by asking for someone to tell me its okay or to express 'I'm worried.' Only then does it begin to disappear when others confirm none of my irrational fears would take place.

I feel anxious over getting my work done - so much that I would stay up the whole night or even come up. But it is the fear I feel when thinking about the day that I hand it in that frightens me. My stomach have butterflies and I begin feeling sick. My heart feels really light and heavy at the same time. And I can even start shaking if i become really nervous. I also get social anxiety when asked out - mainly a turn in my stomach even if I want to go - I feel like staying at home. Some of the worries I collected on a journey to Uni were: My bag being stolen so I hide it under my legs and hold the strap and The bus is driving so fast I think it might turn over. And the what if scenarios are what I tend to get worked up about - because when I think of a what if scenario I worry so much that I actually think it is happening and respond towards this irrational worry like it is actually going to happen.


I have looked at my dreams as a doorway into my subconscious. What I noticed from this was I often dream about water - but as a bad element. The water often will wash away or flood where I am and I have to escape it somehow. Or their are sharks, crocodiles or a dark and threatening presence within the water which is dangerous and should be avoided. Below, are some older dream diary entries that show some of these water and other anxiety dreams. I dream most often of water which I feel represents my own anxiety - the water is a projection of my anxiety which my subconscious is trying to explain through the metaphor of water. Freud in his work of dream interpretation that a person being pulled from water represents a rebirth.

Author's own

Author's own