Evaluation of FMP project

The final outcome of my project was a short animation that explores the title of Anxiety and the Subconscious. Originally in my Project proposal I wanted to explore more about dreams – however after I collected my research on Anxiety I was more interested in how anxiety is experienced. Although I did create several possible final animation concepts to do with dreams – I instead felt more strongly about another idea that would relate to more people than any anxiety dream that I had. Throughout my FMP I constantly tried to question why I used a certain angles, character design, colour an etc. I wanted to force my self to explore as many routes as I could.

The final animation is titled: “worrier” and plays on the idea on worrier and warrrier. People that suffer with anxiety must constanly fight their subconscious mind (and are perceived weaker than those not suffering). My animation explores the idea of using a physical object to express anxiety which is normally hidden in the subconscious mind.  I used a metaphor for anxiety which conveyed worries and fears will soon creep up on you and will force out the emotions you are trying to hide. The story is simple but powerful it was meant to convey how anxieties that start of as thoughts can suddenly tangle you into feeling the fear physically. Within the animation she hides away small balls which when she awakens reveal a large worry that cannot be stopped – It shows how anxiety can also grow larger than you ever imagined.

Throughout the FMP I used several methods to record and review how my project is progressing. They were very useful for helping me to understand what worked and what didn’t and also enabled me to keep a record of what I have looked at previously. One of these methods was a sketchbook; the sketchbook was the place where I put all my research, ideas, notes photographs and designs. This was one of the most helpful sources because I was able to carry it with me any where I needed and could easily refer back to research and notes I had made at any time.  The sketchbook let me play around with my ideas – it was a quick way of putting an idea onto a page in any form (a note or a doodle.) I used my sketchbook during the development stage alot to help me to produce an idea for my final outcome – I was able to sketch out dozens of pages full of storyboards without feeling pressured to refine.

Another method that I used was a blog. The blog was a good place where I could refine my ideas and then review what I had learnt throughout each week. It let me organise all the research or development from my sketchbook and place it on my blog so I could decided exactly where I was going next with my project. Furthermore the blog can easily be edited so I can add information or images if I feel it connects better to things that I have previously looked at. In addition I can scroll through all my posts and easily read back on the notes I made during week 3 or whatever one I need. Lastly the blog allows me to upload video clip so that I can review on moving images unlike in my sketchbook – which is vital for my animation.  I lastly used the action plan as a way to plan out what I would be doing each week. This was especially vital because it ensured I had enough time to complete all tasks including making my final animation. It was a good record that I referred back too, to ensure I was working in the right direction.

I was able to gather both primary and secondary research in my FMP research stage. I used a variety of sources such as films, books, gallery visits, online forums, articles, surveys, my own dream diary journal and written experiences of anxiety (personal.) Another target that was met was to explore different ideas and to have created a large amount of development. I spent a lot of time trying to explore the ideas that I came up with to the fullest. I also made an animatic, several storyboards, character designs and background designs so that when I came to making my animation I was ready to make my animation without any problems other than animating. Lastly I successfully completed an animation that successfully explores the title of ‘Anxiety and the Subconscious’ – which will be shown on the FE Exhibition. I used a selection of software from Photoshop to create the backgrounds, flash to animate and After effects to add sound and edit my work.

Overall my final major animation was made by an extensive amount of development. I made around 17 different stories for one concept and combined two to make my final story. Even towards the ending I was cutting down the story – to save time but also to add more effect. I used research such as surveys to help create a piece that will really connect with those that worry. A main focus in the end was the colours which conveyed anxiety and the personality of my lead character that never actually speaks When creating my character I knew there would be no dialog and so decided to design a character that could convey the amount of expression that could tell the story.

During the crits and feedback received by others I was given artists and film makers to look at – I was suggested to look at surrealism, although I didn’t really use to influence my final outcome, it was useful to explore another approach that a dream like piece of work is created. Another suggestion that I found very helpful during my development stage was to take more experiences that I had personally with my own worries and anxiety. This advice was very valuable because it helped at a point when I was stuck when coming up with ideas. It also lead me to explore another direction other than just my dream anxieties.  When talking one to one with my tutor, he helped me to select certain sounds for my piece such as running water for the dangerous tentacles – which actually connected my dream anxiety about water together. During a mid-project review of our blogs I got a lot of positive feedback but also the advice of speeding up a bit because I only had 3 weeks and still needed to create a lot more development. From this peer evaluation I decided to speed up as suggested which helped give me more time to animate.

Overall I am very please with the outcome of my animation because it conveyed the message I was trying to answer from my FMP (Anxiety and the subconscious). However if I had to redo this project I would have tried to improve my time management because I was unable to explore all areas I would have liked too. Furthermore I would have also spent longer animating because two weeks was still not long enough. The animation process took longer than liked. The skills that I have gained from this FMP has been using After Effects which I have always never been that good at – but from using it to add sound, I know have a better understanding of the way it works. I will be able to use this in my future animations that I do over summer and next year for my course. Another skill that will help me next year in my course is character design and background – I would really like to explore background further as it (for me) brings the animation together. Next year I will be doing a degree in 3D animation and will be learning this software. Hopefully I will be able to apply the new skills learnt to create a short piece of animation.

Finished Animation

Above is my finished animation. I am very pleased with the finished result as  was able to create a short animation that was full coloured with a background and sound. I feel that the outcome is even better than I originally would have imagined. Although I had cut down the beginning and the end of my animation i am still with the end result. The original story would have just added to the set up (rise of action and falling of action) however I like that this plot is bit more straight to the point. I have successfully used a variety of software to produce this finish result: Adobe Flash, to animate, Photoshop to create the backgrounds and After effects to add the sound. When choosing the sound I spoke to a tutor, one to one. We discussed possible sounds that could work - because I previously have looked at water. My tutor suggested that I could use this as the sound of the tentacles of anxiety. After putting this on I felt it was perfect - because it connected to my own personal anxiety dreams that I often have about water. Furthermore I also researched into how anxiety can feel like drowning. The problems that arose when creating this piece (i have outlined in the 'making my animation' post below) Mostly it was the time issue which meant I had to cut down the story. I didn't plan for the animation to be so time consuming - but i did create this all through digitally drawn frames - other than than the draws. Overall I am very pleased with the animation.

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Making of the Animation - FLASH

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Above are two GIFS for two separate times during the making of the scene above. In this scene my character has destroyed one of the round objects of anxiety, but when she looks up, all the hidden balls around the room suddenly start to open up before her. I began this process of making by first looking at my storyboard and animatic. I then had an idea of the length of time I had to show this expression. I made a really rough animation which would serve as a guide. This helped me because it let me put the idea onto the screen to see what expressions worked and what didn't. What I liked about this particular clip is the change from a happy character (the first time you see this) to a very frightened and surprised one. Referring back to my character designs and expression sheets I noted I wanted the eyes to express a lot of the emotion as there is no dialogue. I feel I have achieved this and created a character with a lot of movement and translation. The bottom one shows my finished clip. You can see my use of colour that I have explored previously,the browns work really well in displaying the security and passiveness of my character.

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Above, you can see my evidence of using Adobe Flash to create my animation. My first problem that I faced when using this program was setting up the right document size, I accidentally selected a default size that was way too small. Thankfully I realized this, before I had committed to a finished outline and it was only a rough guide I tested. To overcome this I created a new document and converted the animation I had done before into a symbol which I could easily enlarge and draw over. Below is another set of images this time displaying the process of how I created each scene. I began by outlined a rough animation (which you cannot see) the guide was used to make sure that everything looked ok without spending to much time on it. I then applied a final outline(with another layer) so I could keep referring back and forth to the previous drawings. This is the longest process as I had to keep tailoring to ensure it looked fluent and realistic. If I got this stage wrong it could easily ruin the look of the animation. Furthermore full bodies are most difficult however when I carried out life drawing I was able to study movement easier. The next stage was to create the hair, I wanted specifically to add a lot of movement to the hair so I created it on another layer to spend a lot of time on it. I did this so that the movement of the character could be captured even when the frame was zoomed into the face only. After this I applied the colours from my development stage. After that, I put in the background, produced from my development stage. This was simple but it added a lot of effect which fueled the world of my animation. Lastly I animated the tentacles- This took longer than I thought because I had to create something that was constantly moving and attacking her. I decided at this stage how the tentacles moved because when planning I couldn't see what the tentacles would act as living things. It was only when I animated that I could see what looked good.

Problems that arose

1. Time management
The first problem that I faced was time management. I had not planned for the creative making week and therefore I had t cut down my development weeks to two weeks. Which meant I had less time to come up with a story etc. So when it came to making I lost time finalizing specific areas that were important for making. I overcame this by cutting off some of my animation (see below).

2. Changing the idea
The next problem was influenced by the time management (issue above) and also because I did not realise how consuming some of the aspects of my animation would be. Therefore I had to make the desicion of editing the start and the ending( cutting down scenes). What I changed was: I no longer had the interaction between the friend and her, or her running home. I decided to have the animation exclusively within the bedroom. This I had originally thought about because I wanted to see the character within her comfort zone (her home). I actually preferred this becuase it cut straight into the action and worked better within the time frame. I had to unfortunately get rid of the ending and leave it as a cliff hanger; at the time I wasn't sure about about this, however when I came up with the story I had trouble with making a powerful ending. I like leaving the ending to the imagination of the audience.

3. Can't draw
Finally I struggled when drawing the animation at points as some of the action movements were difficult to visualize. To overcome this I used myself or a model to recreate the actions. So I could rethink how to present them in my animation.

What was successful

1. Colour 
Colour. Colour is important! Infact in my eyes it brings the animation together and emphasises the symbolism of Anxiety on the subconscious mind. I spent a lot of time choosing appropriate colours that work the best. Not only displaying the symbolic meanings (Browns=Comfort/security/strength) but also what would look good within the Flash medium because flash does not look that appealing to the eyes. I decided on using brown outline instead of black as it is softer. One of my influences of colour palette was the Egyptian tablets I saw at the British Museum, I really loved the tones together. The second influence was looking at "Petit Trois Points" a French animation that looks at post traumatic disorder that looks a lot at dark vs light tones to express the anxiety vs healing.

2. Expressions 
As previously stated the next successful thing in my animation is the expression of the character. It was vital that the expression conveyed the emotion to allow audiences to clearly identify the story.

3. Different angles
Different angles is another really important aspect in creating interesting story. From my research stage I watched lots of different films that tackled the issue of Anxiety and the subconscious. These films helped me to explore different angles to show action. Firstly "Hitchcock" because of his inventive use of angles and portraying serious plots(thriller). Secondly Vanilla Sky uses quick montages to express the confusion which people do not usually understand with the subconscious. Lastly The Fantastic Fear of Everything which uses the angles and slow motion to convey a comic genre that also scares the audience to believe the irrational fears.

Background and style

Below are the first designs that I made in my sketchbook for the bedroom/background of my animation. The background layout isn't really as important as the characters in this particular story - However it still needed to be used to help create a style that would aid the overall animation. Infact, there is one scene which will use the entire bedroom to see all the hidden rounded objects - where we will look all around the room. Below is a simple sketch of a bedroom - I also made different angle and perceptive of the bedroom so that I could understand the angles better. From these sketches I have generated the digital versions of this particular design - mainly to get a better picture of the colours I could use. At first I want a dark room (but not using black or greys) instead I selected this maroon colour which worked well in darkening the room but giving the art more colour - This colour for me reminds me of being 'alert' and it could serve as a warning as soon as we see her entering the room filled with these round objects. Below is a really rough version of this room that I had designed to use in the background of a short animation clip - however I felt it didn't work because the colours were too busy with the orange hair. I then thought back to the animatic that I had created which used only tones of blues - It actually looked really nice because it gave the animatic this washed out look. I then decided to go down this route of using one tone for the background - therefore it would be easier to create and would not look as busy as the experiment below. 

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Above, is a selection of my finished backgrounds that I will be using the background of my animation - as you can see its a lot more simple than the first version I created. One of the reasons for this is because I had to change the background around after all - the bedroom of my first sketch design was actually to small for the 'worrier' character to trip over. Therefore we are instead presented with a larger more 'empty' room (which will have more ball all around hidden.) I'm really happy with the outcome as it isn't as busy as the first and has its very own character about it. The bedroom of anyone, but mainly of the 'worrier' is to be an extension of the character - this bedroom is simple and uses light tones of brown just as she is wearing, this shows that she feels secure within this colour. When the rounded objects releases hundreds of 'blue' tentacles in ruins this security that she feels with brown. Furthermore I feel that brown (and in particular, these shades) are a passive colour. Anxious people to be passive rather than aggressive people as they don't like conflict therefore I've used these colour to emphasise this personality strait.

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To the right you can see a palette of the only 7 colours that I will be using in my animation. The reason for this is because the style of my animation is going to use similar tones and colours too make a 'secure' environment for the 'worrier's' bedroom. The first colour (Top) will be the most used colour, it is the colour of the outlines for the character - it also will be used for the background, different shades being used for the colour. The second and third block are the colours of her clothes (again a brown colour to emphasis her security she finds in just this one colour). The fourth and fifth colour are the colour of her skin and nose. The sixth the hair which is a contrasting colour too the bluey grey underneath (that is used for the tentacles of the anxiety round objects.) I decided to pick this colour blue after doing a survey where the average colour that people felt described anxiety was a bluey grey.

Brown

Brown is a strong colour. It is a colour that is masculine but yet feminine because of its warmth. I choose such as strong colour because it expresses how people with anxiety are constantly 'fighting' there anxiety just as the 'worrier' is in this animation. Furthermore as I've previously mentioned it is also a warm colour which is homely - the colour has to express how her clothes and the colour of her bedroom are all choices that she can make for herself. Its her own place of security, warmth and comfort. Outside she may feel anxious but within this haven she is able to be in a calm environment. Furthermore brown is one of the plainer colours, I did this because it shows how anxiety can keep a person in their comfort zones without trying new things. Brown is a passive colour that emphasises her passive nature for being a person with anxiety.

Character design

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When developing my character the first thing I knew I wanted was a female lead. I have done this for two reasons, first, when researching about anxiety, statistics showed that women are more likely to develop anxiety than men. This intrigued me because why is this the case? Are women more sensitive or emotional - hence over worrying. Nevertheless this is why I choose a female lead. The second reason for this choice was that I am a female and this animation has been gathered partly through personal experiences that I have had. I wanted my character to express traits that I feel I have from anxiety. Okay, so now i know i want a women and the natural next step for me was to design the hair style. After doodling in my sketchbook dozens of times for potential looks that would work well for her character and to animate I reached the idea of creating a 'bubble' style (as I call it.) Which I actually created from previous experimental drawings of raindrops (above.) I looked at creating really messy hair - but felt that this would make the character look to out of order - when the purpose of the animation is to keep the anxiety a 'secret' until the end when the round objects open. Furthermore this messy hair would also be time consuming and I only have two weeks to create a 50 - 60 second animation. I looked at hairstyles that an introverted character may have as well such as hair over the eyes and long hair but felt again it was to obvious and difficult to draw. Therefore I experimented with shorter hair styles that could still have an equal amount of movement. I went for a shorter bob like cut that still had the round bubble effect - this way I could move a chunk of hair rather than add movement to each strand of hair.  Above is a GIF I have made to play with how this hair could move in an action shot - I was happy with the way it moved and so selected this to be the desired look. I actually really like the orange hair colour (may pick this colour for final design.) 

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After the hair I decided to play around with all different face styles until I arrived at one that I felt was right. I did this by making different round shapes on the page and then adding facial expressions that suited the shape the best.  I also did this when trying out different body shapes best suited for an 'anxious' worrier. Although when it came down to it I felt that any person can develop anxiety and therefore no one stereotype could fill the void for my character. Therefore I just experimented with lots of shapes and designs. This stage was very important and helpful as it let me put down on the ideas and visuals in my head on to paper so that I could see what looked okay and what didn't.

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Above are my final sketches for the chosen character design. I have chosen to use round eyes that will stretch in order to give my character alot of expression - because she is the only one within the animation i need her expressions to express everything that she is feeling. There will be no dialog or narrating therefore it is important that I can clearly show what she is feeling (especially important in this subject matter also - anxiety is often hidden within a person's subconscious. ) Above I have circled the expression that I like the most - it is the surprised look, which I feel captures the emotion very well and I really want to use this for when she first sees the round object open up. In addition I really want her expressions to be really over the top - large and change from one to the other, this way we will see exactly what it is shes feeling and give her some personality. In the end, I chose a long thin body with a casual outfit on as I don't want her clothes to be more important than her expressions she conveys. I also wanted something simple to show a modest -  passive character rather than an aggressive one.

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So this is the finished character design which shows the colours that I wish to use in my final animation. I am using the brown (#986727) to create the outline of her, instead of black. This is because I feel that black can look very harsh and doesn't look that great on flash. In addition the brown's are the colour I will use mainly in my animation. I have used brown because it is a colour that displays strength however at the same time is a sad colour. Brown also conveys warmth and security, just like with anxiety people often remain within in their comfort zone if they feel anxious - therefore I used this colour for her clothes. I liked the orange hair because it breaks the brown up well and appears to be another metaphor and 'constant' reminder of how anxiety is always in the subconscious. This sheet I will refer back to often when creating my animation and as it is a guide to what my character is supposed to look like - her hair style and the exact colour which I can quickly select through this image. In this image we see a very serious looking expression that of a troubled person (which turns out to suit my character well) - although originally I planned to make her more comic, and clumsy; if I can I still would like her to have some moments that show her happier side as much as her frantic one which is displayed heavily within this work.

Chosen Final Idea

After a long process of trying to develop an idea that would answer the title Anxiety and the Subconscious mind i at last came to an idea that i combined from two of my storyboards i made (during the idea development.) I actually had quite a bit of trouble throughout this time trying to create a story that would express anxiety and the subconscious mind well enough - One thing that I was positive on however was that I wanted to use a physical metaphor to express the anxiety (which would explain to the audience how the hidden anxiety controls the subconscious mind.) At the start of the week I looked into water (based on my dreams that I often have about water flooding -or the presence of water being threatening and dangerous. This immediately made me think of how anxiety can make you feel. However after exploring this idea I felt that animating the water may have been very difficult for my short time length and I also wanted to look into some other ideas.

The final idea

The animation shall begin with the main (lets call her 'worrier') who is highly anxious, she worries about 'what if' scenarios so much that she begins to generally feel fear over theses thoughts in her head. The animation starts with the 'worrier' talking to a friend about a particular worry. As she is explaining and becoming more and more anxious - we suddenly hear a 'ping' sound that only the 'worrier' hears. When she looks in her bag, she discovers the source of the sound which is a small round object. As soon as she sees it she closes her bag, holds it tight against her body and runs off home. We then see her enter her bedroom - where she slams the door shut (locking her self from the rest of the world) and walks over to her chest-draws. She puts the round object into one of the draws, at the same time we can see a group of similar looking balls inside of the draw as well. She then shuts the draw and stares down, thinking about the unknown object inside of the draw before turning and walking away. We see her slowly escalate into a fearful state as she sees hundreds of balls all stuffed or hidden all over her room. However because she is so distracted by this army of unknown objects she trips over one hidden under her rug. She turns around to see what she feel over,  and as she pays attention on it, the round object begins to open and long tentacles like arms begins attacking her. The 'worrier' frantically tries to escape, but instead feels she must try to defend herself and so pulls the tentacles out from the floor. Although her small peace of mind is crushed when she looks up to see the whole room worth of round objects open up and hundreds of tentacles all aiming for her are set free. She is unable to fight them of before they all tangle around her and she is left damaged and in shock on the floor.

The idea is trying to symbolise that anxiety shouldn't be kept as a secret, in addition it shouldn't be ignored because before you know it all these worries and fears will soon creep up on you and pour all the emotions hidden on you at once. Below is the first rough storyboard that I made for this idea. It was originally two separate storyboards, but i photocopied them and cut them out and rearranged into one. They actually worked really well as one idea. I want to think about the different opening to the animation as I don't want this to take up to much of my time as its only a set up to the main event. (I don't want to waste lots of my time animating a scene unnecessarily.)

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Above is an animatic that i created to learn more about the pace of this animation.

Exploring other ideas

Previously I have focused on the water concept; It was based from the many dreams I've had. Water often appears as a dangerous threat, and would flood or possess a feeling of unease (to what could be lurking within.) I have already made several ideas on this already - however I needed to explore other ideas before committing to this particular concept. Therefore I decided on creating quick six frame storyboards (Exposition, rising action, conflict, climax, falling action and resolution), so that I could first put down some ideas I was thinking and just to let my mind wonder - a bit like free association. I made several pages of these all holding different concepts completely different from the previous set. After doing this idea generating I selected three of my favourite stories which I then expanded onto a page of my sketchbook each - I continued to develop and change this idea until I felt it had reached a point where the story worked the best (ultimately leading to my final idea.) These pages are surrounding the page know - and you can see the amount of ideas I tried to develop.

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Idea 1: 
The first idea that I developed further was a story based in a fantasy world. A girl is walking on water as is a couple of people around. As we see her walking she becomes rather nervous. When someone on the other side of the water falls through into the water she because overly nervous - and she tries to walk faster to escape the situation. We then see her look down at her hand where we see a scale that is going up and down depending on how anxious she becomes. She pulls down her sleeve to hide this truth. However before not to long the water softens below her feet and she falls through. This idea was another one that slightly involved water - the idea of the unknown and the threat of water I really liked and so I made this story which was based over the fear of being taking under. Although this is a physical danger within the story it actually is the process of anxiety within the subconscious mind. The story is meant to tackle the idea of the progression of anxiety - i wanted to used close up and speedy shots to ads tension which would make the audience nervous about the potential threat of falling under - which in the story is the 'death' - but actually means being consumed by anxiety.

Idea 2
The second idea was selected from several stories that I made from previous personal experiences of my own worrying. Personally I do worry - and some of the stories that I looked at showed how I often escalate from the 'what if' scenario so much that I need to find out (a bit like OCD.) This story starts with the lead female walking home quite late home (which she normally doesn't do.) From a distant alleyway we hear loud and intimidating sounds and shadows. We then get to listen to the possible and irrational fears that this girl creates to what could be lurking in the alleyway. When she finally walks past the alleyway a cat jumps out of the alleyway, which explains to her where the sounds came from. This idea also was influenced by 'The fantastic fear of everything' and the voice over narrative which is used as a comic device. I imagined this story to be quite light hearted and less serious to others that I have looked at. The narrative would also be used to express her thoughts and so I wouldn't need to voice syncing. Although I liked this idea - I unfortunately felt it lacked the many concept of Anxiety and the Subconscious. 

Idea 3
The last idea that I selected was a story about a girl that is sitting in her room alone. She starts to think about her anxiety and the 'what if' scenarios, suddenly hundreds of round objects fall from nowhere to the ground like rain. She is scared but decides to touch the object - but as she does this the balls release several 'deadly' tentacles that begin to wrap themselves around her and tangle her until she is completely covered in these tentacles. This story is very simple but I feel its also quite powerful and visually could look very beautiful. Also I like the idea of designing the rounded objects or even small creatures that look innocent from the outside. Without realizing I've created a piece that reminds me of the creative sculpture that we made for the 'fear of anxiety. Perhaps the object could open in this way? This concept was meant to explore the metaphor of anxiety slowly tangling its way around your thoughts before silently attacking you without you realising. The balls that fall like rain are meant to represent the odd thoughts we get when thinking about worries. When she decides to touch one of the balls (thoughts) her anxiety is awaken as she discovers she doesn't like these thoughts but before its too late as they have planted them self physically all around her in the form of tentacle like arms. Overall this was one of my favourite ideas and I developed this idea over ten times with different beginning and ideas similar to this (below are some of the alternative ideas that I made).

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Water concept

The research connection

I have looked at a wide variety of research to do with water - which has influenced the development you see below. For instance a photograph by Greg Gorman who photographs a man submerged in water - the second is a page from Jung's book 'The archetypes and the collective unconscious' which states: "Water is the most common symbol for the unconscious." It also includes a man describing (similar to me) that his dreams are based around water. In addition I have recorded water dreams from my dream diary. I often dream of water and it normally is dangerous or deadly in the dream - this is what i first thought about when creating this project. I also have several other references to do with water such as Freud who believes it is a symbol of Birth - "Being pulled from water symbolizes birth, which Freud termed "the first experience attended by anxiety.""  Water is a place where we feel safe, mothers womb- opposite to how thought, i may explore the idea of water instead representing a safe haven. 

The water concept.

Below are two of the ideas that I came up with for the water concept This originated from my dreams which i often dream about water destroying or flooding the location i am at. I have therefore generate lots of ideas where water could be used to represent anxiety. To the left shows the story of a girl that is suddenly flooded with water - which represents her anxiety. We see multiple shots of rooms flooding slowly - she quickly runs up stairs to get away in her room but the water finds her there too and she swims to the ceeline where she takes her last breath until the anxiety consumers her. The second image i created of the idea of people bottling up their emotions instead of letting them out - she becomes so consumed with all of her anxiety that she finally explodes with water - flooding all those closest to her. My biggest concern about this idea is that i will not be able to a animate the water well enough - water is very difficult to draw and so im afraid that i will not be able to draw it in the way i imagine. 

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Above is one of the ideas that i generated to do with my water concept. (the water is anxiety represented in my own dreams.)  Above is one of my favourites, as it possesses alot of movement and imagination which i like within my animations. The concept is of a girl that is walking, however every time that her foot hits the ground water splashes up from her heel and a creature is produced made up of anxieties. This creature torments her until the next one is created by the other foot and so a vicious cycle occurs. However i would need to add more to this story wise. As much as i like this idea i am worried that it may be too difficult to animation because it is water and splashes which i have really no experience with. Below are some of the experiments I've created for this piece. 

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Above i have created a short animation experiment to see whether i could animate water. One of my main concepts is to use water however i know that this may be very difficult to animate. I have quickly created a gif that is a splash of water. I used a reference video for this (http://flashfx.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/water-splash-tutorial-part-2.html) it let me understand not only to draw this animation but also to understand the physics behind the way that a splash works (which will help me later on when i come to animating my own slash.) I did this experiment so that i can see how i can bring life to water. In the same way a character needs expression and movement (if i were to chose an idea on water) i would want the water to look as 'real' as possible (alive). I do not want an ordinary line that represents water - water has so much movement which i would like to explore. After creating the small splash gif i then converted that into a symbol and added it to a pair of feet (that are walking similar to the development idea that i had in the sketches above.) These feet are only meant to be rough - the walk isn't as move but it is only meant to be a guide to let me know whether this idea is possible. The concept behind this is: the girls feet is meant to walk and water splash out from her heel as she steps forward - this water will they change into strange creatures and anxieties of the girl before dissolving as the next is created. Although i realize this could be quite hard - during my idea generation i wanted to be as free as possible. The splash may not be accurately correct for thee step - i am still pleased with this small test as it shows this idea could work - i would like to animate this splash growing into a creature next so that i can see if this is possible.

Goeblin Animations + Fantasic Fear of Everthing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xp22IYL2uU

Inbetween
Anxiety - crocodile anxiety in subconscious

Inbetween represented anxiety with a blue crocodile. A crocodile, a dangerous, scary and intimidating animal - in the animation the crocodile follows her wherever she goes and is always disturbing her - even blocking her from going on to her balcony to see the new neighbour. I really like that a crocodile has been used to represent anxiety - it makes the animation more playful without playing a stereotypical dark mood for displaying this subject matter.  I also like that there has been this metaphor used to describe 'anxiety.' It lets the viewer see anxiety physically - anxiety is something that people experience and other cannot see, here we are able to understand what anxiety is - and how it effects her. For instance during a work presentation the crocodile distracts her - which could suggest she is nervous and worried about how she is presenting her work. Later on, when she is sitting at lunch, the crocodile continually runs circles around her to emphasise a social anxiety or that the anxiety is still present even when see is sitting alone on a break.  My favourite scene during this short, is when she finally gives up trying to ignore the crocodile and even says that it is cute. Above the last thing she says is 'don't worry' (as we know anxiety is to do with worrying) and this shows she has finally confronted her problem and can move on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0yC2ldpBFI

Petit trois
Post traumatic stress disorder - how is it represented ( a monster)

To the right, is another animation created by the same company (Goeblins) as above. It also its heavily themed with anxiety. In particular 'post traumatic stress disorder'. The animation is about a soldier that returns home from war wounded and hurt. His wife takes care of him and helps to heal his wounds by stitching him back together, she then with him goes out into the world and tries to stitch the world back together (fixes all that breaks) - however we see that her husband is not really fixed at all. Throughout the animation the wife continues to sow the city together yet her husband can only seem to destroy all in his path. The wife fixed him on the outside however he still is wounded psychologically - he has been killing others as a soldier and cannot fit back into his normal routine. He has been trained to kill and destroy hence why he cannot do anything but destroy the work that his wife is doing. This anger and frustration slowly builds up inside of him and he suddenly becomes a large and intimidating monster. In the end we see nothing but a large shadow which wraps the wife and ends. His anxiety destroyed the work of his wife and consumed her with his anger. I really like this animation as it seems really sweet however has this undercurrent of a serious torment. I really like the transformation of the man as it showed how his anxiety changed him into a monster. This anxiety, can change the person he once was from a loving husband to a large scary monster. I like how this change is shown slowly, it lets us understand how it escalates from something small into something huge. Furthermore I like that the animation of this monster grows overtime. This animation also uses a good colour palette that expresses the cycle of anxiety. At he start the animation is incredibly dark until the wife literally pulls her husband into the lighter city (his past is gone and moving into thee future) yet by the end we see the shadow once more (which is actually the husband) turn the entire screen black (we arrive at the beginning once more.)

Fantastic Fear of everything
dream, controlling his life, childhood, worst fear occurs but he survives it, dark, comedy (is anxiety funny?)

www.rte.ie

Fantastic Fear of everything is a comedy starring Simon Pegg. I really like this movie as it shows how a strong anxiety can control a person's life and the effects the way they live: "I'm so sick of these irrational fears, like the bloody launderette, its ruining my life" (Jack)- this film is quite different to the rest that i have looked at because this is a comedy. It uses the irrational worries that the lead character Jack has and uses it in a comic manner. We also are able to see that the way Jack lives with his anxiety, often carrying a long kitchen knife (for protection,) running around his home in a frightened manner - such as running down his corridor to his bathroom incase anyone is lurking in other rooms. (Which reminds me of when I was younger and would also do this, when running up the stairs to the safety of my room incase of monsters and ghosts.) Therefore when we watch this, we (or certainly, I, feel) like I recognize this fear - which makes it funny.  The basic plot of this film, is a man that writes childhood books which help him deal with his childhood - however he really wants to write a book about notorious Victorian serial killers. After researching into this topic he becomes obsessed with the idea of murderers and feels that someone might kill him at anytime. During the film we then see more fears such as the Launderette which are all routed to his childhood and being abandoned by his mother. In the end we see his worse fear occur when a serial killer kidnaps him at the bottom of the launderette. We see him battling his worse fear and fighting his anxiety - learning what made him this way in the first place. And I liked this turning point of the film when he has to face his fears and be brave.

What I took away from this film, and learnt was how irrational fears can be linked to a past trauma - even though this is a comedy it tackles with the serious issue that people are trapped within, a cycle of anxiety. The film uses 'Jack's' voice for narration his thought process and talking about his fears. I really liked this as we were given another window what makes him have these worries and understand how it escalates from him not leaving his house and how it controls him. The voice over let us understand his way of thinking when no one else was there or talking to him. Slow motion shots, audio soundtrack and dream sequences are used to emphasis the fear that he has - and make the audience at the same time equally as scared - but also use comic relief to show that these are really just irrational worries.

"I once treated a girl who had a phobia of bananas, when this girl came to me she was pleased with herself because she was able to overcome her phobia to the extent that she could be in the same room as a closed banana, it has to stay closed, unzipped or else she'd go psychotic; but the point is, open or closed she had not made the connection between her phobia and her fear..."

["of banana?"] 

"No, she had something else, a past trauma something far more frightening than a banana. Its like a movie screen, she projected her fear onto the banana, because looking directly at her trauma was too terrifying. It was a projection..."

["onto a piece of fruit?"]

"Exactly, her banana is not different to your launderette."

(Fantastic fear of Evertything)

Survey

Author's own

Above is the survey that I distributed among peers, friends and family to get a better understanding of how they perceive anxiety and the subconscious. In the survey I supplied a list of anxiety disorders for people to tick as many as they felt they have/had. I was able to discover that all recipients all answers yes to having at least one anxiety. It is a very common issue therefore I need to address it so all audiences can relate and understand clearly. I also wanted to learn how Anxiety had stopped people from carrying out life. Furthermore I wanted to see how people experience Anxiety what it makes them feel (symptoms or physical feelings). Lastly I asked what colours people felt Anxiety was to them- this would help determining the colours for my animation later.

I have learnt from carrying this out this survey that almost everyone said Yes to "Has a worry or anxiety ever stopped you doing something?" Which shows the the subconscious is powerful because is stopping people from doing something and controlling us in ways we don't realise. It displayed to me that everyone can feel this way, it isn't a certain stereotype of a nervous person but everyone.

I was mostly interested in learning what the recipients would reply to the question " What does 'worry' and 'anxiety' feel like?" This is because it would give me further ideas of how my character could react and a potential idea to represent anxiety. Some people gave literal ideas such as 'heart pumping', but others gave emotions e.g 'tired, sad, overwhelmed'. But the ones I liked the most were these particular answers:

"Like, you're walking and a person is walking towards you and you both walk towards each other because you though the other would go to the left/ right but they did not."

"Sinking feeling in your stomach"

"High strung tense"

"Powerless"

I then went on to ask people's interpretation of Anxiety via colour. The answers all differed but the colours that were most apparant were grey and blue. This has helped me as I may look further colour symbolism and views to create anxiety in my final animation. I lastly asked the question, "Do you have nightmares or dreams that provoke emotions of anxiety?" I received to answers I liked the most: "I lucid dreams or have blank dreams. When I do dream it involves like...people I wanted to be friends with and its really weird as we end up in live or die situations and get separated" and "Yes-dreaming of bad situations to reflect what I'm worried about. The worst that could happen". This helped me to gather potential story lines and ideas of dreams and anxiety as a possible route.

Dreams and worries

So for this post I want to study my personal dreams and also the worries that i have. After researching a lot about anxiety - I actually feel like I may have it. I tend to worry too much and often over things that I did or didn't do.I still want to review the worries that i have and so will write down for a day all the worries that i have (sort of like a free association game.) I also will be documenting any worries i remember and the OCD i had (and didn't even realize.) By studying my own worries that I have I may be able to gain an idea for a final animation. It is easier to analysis my own experience than someone else.

How I worry
It normally will begin with a thought - so for instance (a real scenario that I've had:) When talking to a manager at work, I couldn't hear properly what he said, even asking twice for him to repeat it and so I just answered with 'OK.' When I walked away I then began to think over what I had agreed on. This is when the irrational fears take hold of me. And I will not be able to stop thinking about what I had agreed on doing, was it more hours? Was I staying longer? Had I done something wrong? And these thoughts tend to go on non-stop until I do one of two things. And I have to do these otherwise I feel really worried and anxious - heart beating fast and really on edge. Even over something as stupid as this.  I would have to either ask my manager what he actually said (which is what I did in this case.) Or tell somebody the situations so that they can confirm to me 'its okay.' The way that I normally vent my anxiety and worry is by asking for someone to tell me its okay or to express 'I'm worried.' Only then does it begin to disappear when others confirm none of my irrational fears would take place.

I feel anxious over getting my work done - so much that I would stay up the whole night or even come up. But it is the fear I feel when thinking about the day that I hand it in that frightens me. My stomach have butterflies and I begin feeling sick. My heart feels really light and heavy at the same time. And I can even start shaking if i become really nervous. I also get social anxiety when asked out - mainly a turn in my stomach even if I want to go - I feel like staying at home. Some of the worries I collected on a journey to Uni were: My bag being stolen so I hide it under my legs and hold the strap and The bus is driving so fast I think it might turn over. And the what if scenarios are what I tend to get worked up about - because when I think of a what if scenario I worry so much that I actually think it is happening and respond towards this irrational worry like it is actually going to happen.


I have looked at my dreams as a doorway into my subconscious. What I noticed from this was I often dream about water - but as a bad element. The water often will wash away or flood where I am and I have to escape it somehow. Or their are sharks, crocodiles or a dark and threatening presence within the water which is dangerous and should be avoided. Below, are some older dream diary entries that show some of these water and other anxiety dreams. I dream most often of water which I feel represents my own anxiety - the water is a projection of my anxiety which my subconscious is trying to explain through the metaphor of water. Freud in his work of dream interpretation that a person being pulled from water represents a rebirth.

Author's own

Author's own

Surrealism and David Lynch

http://www.dvdbeaver.com/film2/DVDReviews48/elephant_man_blu-ray.htm

Tumblr

I breifly have looked into surrealism - such as works by David Lynch. I watch a short animation called an Absurb encounter with fear which i felt displayed the idea of fear incredibly. He used sound and tension to make the audience involved within his work. I also looked into the Elephant Man which is a heart whrenching story about a man that is disfigured and lives his ife within anxiety. I especially liked the scene where we see the professior reaction of the elephant man - we see a tear roll down his face (we only see his reaction and not the elphant man and I feel that this is very powerful. David Lynch is wonderful at evoking emotion from his audiencce and knows how to get that reaction. Although I feel that surrealism is a very good tool in expressing a dream like experience I do not llike that it is often weird and hard to understand for some. I want my animation to appeal to more or less everyone.

Berlin

ALL photos on this post, are Author's own - unless link is added below

Below are a selection of my photographs that I took on my trip to Berlin during the second week of my FMP. These images show the most famous 'landmark' of  Berlin, the Berlin wall. Which will forever be remembered as the wall that divided a city literally into two sides. There is not much left of the Berlin wall other than along a deserted corner of the city. Here we saw the transformation of the wall - it is no longer a tall, concrete wall but covered completely in graffiti art. The bright colour seems to mask the sadness and loss of lives because of its symbol. The graffiti covers the wall and the rest of the city - it appears to cover the fear and anxiety that people had during the past.  The photograph below is a zip opening too reveal a hidden message. This reminds me of the subconscious that is hidden within - the subconscious influences us in everyday but it is hidden deep inside.  I like this art as it expresses how under the fear a strength can be hidden - nice concept i might refer to during development. Alternatively anxiety disorder are often hidden under as front that people put up so that others cannot see their differences, they do not truly show who they really are. These colourful 'memorials' look very dream like and remind me of free association -  during the visit we also saw a man playing the electric guitar half naked with a horse mask on (and holding a unicorn mas for one of us to come over) it made the experience even more surreal - yet he seemed to belong to the wall art. 

http://www.mutualart.com/Artist/Greg-Gorman/0066D7EBD20F9982/
Artworks?Params=3936382C43757272656E74506167652C322C31

Greg Gorman photographed a series of images that looked at the male body. This one in particular really stood out to me. The body language reminds me of a man defeated - he has created this closed and protected shield. And because he is so closed of from the audience I feel that he could be thinking - Anxiety. The darker tones that have been highlighted and the background give this photograph a darker feel - the darkness seems to be slowly descending towards him and he has no where to hide other than in himself. This image has enabled me to understand how the body can be a projection of the emotions that are being tormented inside.

We cannot see what others are experiences inside - and the slight emotion can give this away if we can catch it. From looking at this photograph I got a potential idea that I may use later on in the development stage. I felt it expressed the idea of repressed emotion - hiding how you feel and bottling up the emotions, in the end is what causes anxiety (and this negative effect on the subconscious.) My idea comes from this idea of 'bottling up' before finally exploding with all the things you are afraid of consuming you. What makes this image so powerful is that it is a man. Without intending to give stereotype, men re normally considered and expected to be less emotional and stronger - yet here we are presented with an image that depicts this man to be breaking down and revealing a weaker side. People that suffer from Anxiety can be vulnerable but are in the same way strong for this 'disorder' they must deal with. Lastly in earlier research about anxiety and its initial use ('Fight and Flight' theory) - a way for us to be cautious among predators however today anxiety is created before a test (and our bodies cannot react in the same way as running away from a wild animal and so panic attacks occur and etc.) Anyhow, this idea I find very interesting. This photograph, made me thing of human instinctual reason behind anxiety because this man is in his natural form (nude.) I think this could be another potential concept for the development stage.

http://www.faheykleingallery.com/
photographers/gorman/personal/gorman_pp_31.htm

To the right is another image in the same series by Greg Gorman that presents interaction and beautiful poses between two men. The tones in this photograph is a lot darker and therefore cast this shaded feel on the photograph. One man seems to be gripping onto the wall whereas the second other is dramatically held up by the first man. I felt that these two men could be another good example of a person and anxiety. What if anxiety could be represented by a second character? Which of these two would represent anxiety? One seems to denote the idea of strength and the other a weakness. Which one of these words best fits a person dealing with anxiety.

https://www.pinterest.com/robbi1384/greg-gorman/

To the left, is another photograph featured in the Greg Gorman exhibition. This photograph immediately captured my attention - I have previously noted throughout this project that I often dream about water bringing anxiety in my own dreams. Often destroying and dangerous - in these dreams I avoid it. However this photograph is very beautiful because this man is emerged within in this water completely. He is actually camouflaged with the ripples of the surface covering his entire body with this pattern. When i saw this i though of the idea that perhaps this man has so much anxiety and fears that it has consumed him and he has given into living this way. The body language emphasizes this idea as this man appears to be turned away from the camera and hiding again in himself. I really like this idea of drowning in anxiety and using water to represent this.

http://in-lan.com/en/art-culture/photography-art-culture/
helmut-newton-francois-marie-banier-dark-beauty/

To the right is a photograph taken by Newton Helmut, for London Vogue in 1967. I really like that this image embodies fear and anxiety - this model is really reacting to an aeroplane taking of the runaway that she is on. This urgent run and expression is alot more interest one that just a simple standing pose that doesn't have connection with the surroundings. I love the composition of seeing this large aeroplane behind her - and the matching colours of the sky and the plane to her dress. When I first saw this image it seemed very dream like - it isn't a common scenario and therefore appears to be surreal. The black and white colours take it out of reality and we are presented with this strange scene. What makes this work is this extreme scenario coupled with her expression. Overall I really like this photograph, probably the most. We are given a set up like a scene of a film - this image is ultimately expressing fear - and when i look at this photograph i feel panicked and frightened for this girl. It could also  be a fake scenario that this girl is coming up with about her phobia of planes. What i want to take away from this photograph is to really create fear and anxiety in my animation - I want the audience to experience the same torment that anxiety can do to a person (and what it feels like.)

Surrounding are some of the photographs that I took and inspired me. Although none of these works relate directly to my theme - instead they have elements that may influence later ideas that I may have. Above for instance are abstract paintings that use brushstrokes and tone to create these different moods. Our subconscious minds may connect with these colours and certain strokes and make associations. Below is a piece of art that is very busy and reminds me of a dream like image. There was also a box that played an old song from the 40s. At first we couldn't figure where it was coming from - however i liked that this was interactive it let up explore the work and question what was the purpose.